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Whatever else Jose Mourinho might be; he’s no gentleman.

Posted on by rico

Shaw once wrote that ‘some men are born kings; and some are born statesmen. The two are seldom the same’.

In footballing parlance, a similar accusation might be levied at Jose Mourinho.

There is no questioning his tactical ability. Whether proving his talent under a wide-brimmed sombrero in the footballing cauldrons of Mediterranean Europe, or a fur-lined ushanka in the politically-charged iciness of SW6, he rarely fails to deliver. However, while his charisma and tactical awareness translate into a dozen different languages, his petulance and rudeness sadly do not.

 The British media initially took exception to him, but somehow his quirkiness, his quaintness, his esoteric pidgin-English, and the sheer Whitehall-farce of his increasingly unintelligible media outbursts, won over both the tabloid press and that most mythical of all beings… the impartial football supporter.

 Initially I must admit to possessing a sneaking admiration for Iberia’s pint-sized Napoleon, and my wife positively drooled whenever his swarthy arrogance and designer-stubble scruffiness graced our screens. ‘Who would you rather be?’ she would goad, “Jose Mourinho, or Alex Ferguson?’.  She was quite right of course; it was the proverbial ‘jovial ‘arry’ no-brainer… but then she used to say the same thing about Roberto Mancini until he cut his hair and dispensed with that immaculately positioned scarf.

 The Italians, on the other hand, who know a thing or two about charisma and style, disagreed. To all but the most fervent Internazionale supporter he was a rude, crude and offensive little man, who insulted their nation at every opportunity and was only deserving of ‘an offer he couldn’t refuse’.

 But you know…  I’m beginning to think they were right.

 This latest broadside, aimed at just about everyone, from Arsene Wenger to Mourinho’s Bernabeu predecessor and current England scapegoat, is a perfect example of why Jose Mourinho is little more than a Portuguese Bonaparte. To bask in the reflected glory of Chelsea and Porto and Internazionale is understandable, and probably justified, but to then use that same celebrity status to castigate respected fellow professionals is shameful, distasteful, and down-right tacky.

 Whatever our opinions of Fabio Capello may be, there is no question that his record, prior to South Africa, is deserving of respect. Arsene Wenger has done great things for our beloved Arsenal and possibly even greater things for football coaching and football management in general. Both men are giants of the game, and for very good reasons. They have earned the respect they enjoy, from all but the most rabid tabloid hack. To have to suffer this sort of juvenile and offensive commentary shames only the Portuguese Bonaparte himself.

 But then, if I might cherry-pick the quotes of a certain Arthur Wellesley when referring to the upstart Corsican, who also bathed in the reflected glory of his troops when they had won a few… ‘On the field of battle his hat is worth forty-thousand men… but he’s not a gentleman’.

Written by mikeB

rico

226 thoughts on “Whatever else Jose Mourinho might be; he’s no gentleman.”

  2. mikeB says:

    Morning WATH,
    I see he has distanced himself from the Capello comments, but stands by his Arsene Wenger and Rafa comments… Parvenu to say the least.

  3. rico says:

    Morning all

    Tip top post mike, great manager but an arrogant and ignorant man, if wenger could master his tactics, he would be head and shoulders above Mourinho…

  4. W.A.T.H says:

    As hard arsed as he is I also think he craves to be loved but his character is that his make up will always have him being rude about ppl and other teams so he’ll never be loved. Think the way he slates ppl also means ppl are also loathe to even respect the man. Ppl might not like AW but you’ll find very few who don’t respect what he’s done for Arsenal and English football in general.

  5. mikeB says:

    Morning Rico,
    I trust you were satisfied with the draw… whatever else we say about him I was very glad it was Donetsk and not Madrid.

  6. W.A.T.H says:

    Oh and what great news on a friday morning. . . . . we have Denilson available for the trip to Blackburn..! Ok I’m off to choke on my 4th shredded wheat.

  7. mikeB says:

    I always had a theory that people don’t get up in the morning saying; ‘I’m going to be really offensive today’, they get up wanting to be the best they can and have that decency recognised…

    But then how do you explain Barcelona and Sam Allardyce?

  8. W.A.T.H says:

    Mike, that’s a pretty screwed up theory and totally illogical when you throw Alladyce and the like into the mix…! 🙂

  9. rico says:

    Morning WATH & mike

    You are right about Wenger WATH, he has changed the way premiership football is played – many managers of the lower clubs are now trying to play the Arsenal way. Also he has made it quite clear that you don’t need to pay big bucks to get to the top – look at what holloway said last weekend…

    He won’t change the attitudes/approach of management thuggery like Fat Sam etc, but at least it’s becoming obvious to all about their dirty tactics…

  11. T-buzz says:

    Rico!!
    Just found out via Geoff that you run your own show now, going well I hope. 🙂

    MikeB, are you a journalist? That was spot on and it should be published in the papers.
    Well done

  14. rico says:

    Wenger is spot on with what he said about last week too, i know the victims were our bitter rivals, but the gomes was fouled was a disgrace….

  15. W.A.T.H says:

    Thing is though Rico it’s not enough that ppl recongise teams that try to play the game the right way it’s the whole establishment that allows the ‘hackers’ to kick the footballing teams off the park and get away with it time and again. Huge difference betwen a team and players being hard to being dirty…! thats often the point that’s totally overlooked by all and sundry when we get beat and they say we whinge cos we got it put ‘up us’ and the in your face rubbish.

  19. Red Arse says:

    MikeB,

    I am not often caught on the hop, but your Post this morning is absolutely top class, and Rico never let on. I thought she had swallowed a dictionary overnight. You didn’t did you, Rico? 😉

    You have set yourself some standard now, MikeB!

    Well done, great read, especially with the personal flourishes to soften the critique. 🙂

  22. Red Arse says:

    MikeB,

    I wrote a piece for AA today, a site recommended by Rico, please do not go and look at it. It’s a Ford compared to your Ferrari. 🙁

    WATH, you are so right. The unfairness of the way the media delight in Arsenal’s discomfort when Fat sam sends out his team to kick us is obscene.

  24. W.A.T.H says:

    It’s not just the leg breaking tackles Rico it’s all the other filth that goes with it. We do it and get sent off teams do it to us and its ok cos its called getting in our faces…………… Pathetic, oh yes that would be you hansen…!

  26. T-buzz says:

    I’m great thanks, just been keeping a low profile especially on le-grove. Hows the guinea pig?

    You happy with the CL draw?

  28. rico says:

    Didn’t think I had seen you around much T-Buzz, its really good to see you here – little piggie is just fine thanks 🙂

    You impressed with our signings so far?

  30. rico says:

    Someone should have a word with Hanse WATH, for him to condone the some sides play against us is dreadfully wrong…

    I read the other day that Fergie picks up a 60K fine evey season for not speaking to the BBC… I think its about time Wenger sold Denilson then his wages could pay the same fine – Wenger should refuse to speak to the idiots aswell…

  31. T-buzz says:

    I acknowledge Jose as a successful manager and within his rights to brag about his success. But when he starts dipping his lips into other people’s cups I lose all respect for him.
    He needs to be gagged pronto!!

  32. mikeB says:

    Hi T-buzz,

    what did you do to upset Le Grove?

    You’re not a fan of Jaguar are you? 😆

    Rico,
    no I didn’t see the earlier comments; what earlier comments?

  35. Paul says:

    You can never question his success but he has obviously convinced himself of his greatness! Expressed by him on his recent holiday in Kenya where he needed countless numbers of body guards, acted like a egotistic diva and refused to speak to anyone! Hope Wenger proves him wrong!

  37. W.A.T.H says:

    That’s the ten million dollar question Rico, how good is maureenya if there were no funds, he did pretty well at Porto with very little but look at the kind of footie they played. The blueprint now seems get em in young bring em through as the money bubble will burst and then whats going to be left..?

  39. rico says:

    To be fair though WATH, were the big sugar daddies around when Porto won the CL? Now that so many clubs are spending mega money, a club like Porto wont be able to compete, bit like us really having had a shoestring budget for the last few seasons…

    He has since gone to clubs with mega bucks, either inherited a great squad of just gone and bought one…

    Baring in mind how many players he bought at the chavs, did he really do that well???

  40. T-buzz says:

    Rico to be honest, I’m not sure about this Squillaci cos I havent seen him play. I hope he’s good but he might be lacking in pace cos I read somewhere that he’s not that quick

  42. mikeB says:

    Hi Paul,

    Don’t know why he should be so concerned in Kenya…

    I thought the Rhinoceros was a protected species over there 😆

  43. T-buzz says:

    rico says:
    August 27, 2010 at 9:57 am
    T-Buzz, I wonder how good a manager he would be at a club with not much money..?

    He wouldnt last there but it will be interesting to know what Porto’s financial situation was ehrn he won the Champion’s League with them though….

  44. rico says:

    I haven’t seen him play either T-buzz, in fact its not often we have seen wengers new signings play before these days 😉

    One thing is, he’s been there, done it and won a few bits of silverware, if he can get that feeling around the squad it has to be positive…

    wont be surprised if we get another CH in before the window shuts though…

  45. rico says:

    PORTO:

    Vítor Baía
    Paulo Ferreira
    Jorge Costa (c)
    Ricardo Carvalho
    Nuno Valente
    Costinha
    Pedro Mendes
    Maniche
    Deco
    Derlei
    Carlos Alberto

    Substitutes:

    Nuno
    Ricardo Costa
    José Bosingwa
    Pedro Emanuel
    Dmitri Alenichev
    Edgaras Jankauskas
    Benni McCarthy

    Pretty good squad T-Buzz and Squilli was a 72nd minute sub for monaco, another sub was the one and only Lardybayor 😉

  47. T-buzz says:

    AW getting another CH before the transfer closure will make me fall off my chair! lol

    I welcome Squillaci on board anyway and wish the best of luck cos we need experience and quality at the back, badly.

    The most important issue right now is our goalkeeping situation. Almunia doesnt seem to be focused and I personally do not have faith in Flapianski (I know it sounds harsh but there are some keepers you look at even at a young age you can see quality and great things to come, he aint got it IMO)!

  48. mikeB says:

    There is a school of thought that believes he is just a one-trick pony… i.e. eighty per cent defensive and twenty counter-attack.

    That same school thinks he’s going to fail at Madrid for that very reason… irrespective of silverware gleaned.

    Let’s hope so huh 😆

  49. rico says:

    T-buzz, I think we pretty much all feel the same about the keepers, i would rather Chesney get his chance than see either Al or Flappy in – the latter I would loan as he’s still young and could turn out to be a class keeper, almunia, he should be at his prime and if his prime as as it is, then he needs to head back home to spain….

    honestly, wenger said yesterday that keeper deals are dead, all that tells me is scwarzer is not joining, he must have something up his sleeve….

  50. rico says:

    mike,

    thats a difficult one for me now, during the cesc saga, i wanted jose to wipe the floor with barca in every spainish competition, now after his dig at wenger and arsenal, i am having a re-think…

    its, who do i dislike most, i have settled for support Villareal and hope they win everything Spanish 😉

  51. T-buzz says:

    Rico, that was a solid squad though. I remember José being a jerk not celebrating with the team cos Chelsea and the Roman Empire had seduced him.
    I didnt even remember Ade-2Faced-Bayor was in the game as a sub….

  52. rico says:

    Couldn’t help himself at Manure though 😉

    I don’t think he got on T-buzz, guess Deschamps didn’t rate him 🙂

  53. T-buzz says:

    He always has something up his sleeves Rico, but what he’s going to produce is what I’m not sure. I agree, Cheszney needs a run of a few games (he’ll probably feature more in the Carling Cup)if he impresses then we’ll have our own Jo Hart then 🙂

  55. rico says:

    That’s just it T-buzz, as long as its not another Silvestre 😉

    Long four days WATH, it sure is, then another long break for stoopid internationals 🙁

  56. rico says:

    T-buzz, I know its cheeky of me, but HH is always looking for writers, if it’s something you would be interested in, please feel free to shout… 😉

  57. W.A.T.H says:

    It’s gonna be an age til January IF he don’t go buy a keeper…………..! Ooops I’m not allowed to say anything on that subject til next week my apologies my lips r sealed.

  59. Red Arse says:

    Hi Rico,

    I have been cast into deep gloom not being able to communicate wuth you. 🙂

    I thought it was WPress, but it seems my neighbours BT connection has been playing footsie with my WiFi connection. A nice man has helped by giving me a new channel, which sounds rather rude, but was painless. 🙂

  60. Red Arse says:

    MikeB,

    If you are still there, I haven’t had a chance to thank you for your comment on AA, so thank you. 🙂

    Talk about silver tongue flatterer! And not an ounce of irony on display. Get rid of your 6th missus MikeB, I think I have met my soul mate. 🙂

  61. W.A.T.H says:

    RA gets his toosh kissed by Mike, hmmmmmmm not good, far to many strange things going on here………..!

  63. Red Arse says:

    WATH,

    I know we are all hoping for something brill to happen, but …..

    I heard Arsene saying that he is v. depressed (?) that the market is so quiet. Clubs with players he wants won’t sell, or players he does not want are available. Explains his “the market is dead” comment, even if I garbled his actual words.

    Hi T-Buzz, i have seen you battling elsewhere, on occasion! 🙂

  64. mikeB says:

    RA,
    You’ve obviously had your head turned by my provocative avatar 😆

    As for the sixth… my third has just read this and crossed you off our Christmas card list 😆

  65. Red Arse says:

    Ah, WATH,

    MikeB has a very light and delicate touch with irony! He is someone I am trying to emulate, or is that immolate! 🙂

  66. W.A.T.H says:

    RA, I believe the bit about teams not wanting to sell whom he wants I was told that a few weeks back….!. Still a few days to go to bash ppl on the head to convince them to sell 😉

  67. Red Arse says:

    Rico,

    You have probably seen that the official website is now saying Arsene does not expect to make anymore signings.

    I am almost reaching for my “I told you so” armband by referring you back to my prediction on AR in June. But WATH is right, there are 4 days to go and Arsene might be doing a double, double bluff! 🙂

  68. rico says:

    Thing is with wenger, we all know he is an out and out ‘liar’ – he plays games with the press and he loves it…

    He could very well have signed a keeper but is hanging on until his club has a replacement in, to save the selling club being ripped off when everyone knows they are desperate for a keeper…

    hope that all makes sense 😉

  69. rico says:

    RA, we don’t do that one on here 😉 😉

    Like I said in my last comment, he may not be naking anymore as he already has bought, he now has four days to announce our keeper 😉

  72. mikeB says:

    Rico,

    You can’t say that about our glorious leader. While he may be prone to the odd terminological inexactitude it’s all in a good cause. 😆

  75. T-buzz says:

    Wow, thanks for the offer Rico. Alas, I’m a reader not a writer (sob)but shall gladly be blogging here as regular as I can, if thats ok…

    Hey Red Arse,
    Yeah I was a regular on Le-Grove many mooons ago when the likes of Bud, goonerjay, GMR, Odub were there (rico will remember those names lol)but I’ve had to take a back seat as a quite a few bloggers there just get on to insult each other which I found discouraging.
    I still love Le-Grove though, Pedro and Geoff are very good writers and a joy to talk to, its just that a few that get on there to view their opinion are (and it hurts me to say this about fellow gooners)idiots.

  78. W.A.T.H says:

    Ashes……………. whats that Rico….? 😛 Is that the goalposts from the lane that were burnt last time the yids won the league…?

  79. Red Arse says:

    T-Buzz,

    I like Pedro and Geof too. But even they take tremendous stick sometimes.

    Yesterday, Geof wrote something tongue in cheek and it was as if WWII was about to be re-run.

    Some guys are v. knowledgeable and funny, some not so! 🙂

  80. rico says:

    Selective memory and selective eyesight 😉

    T-buzz, no worries re the writing, of cousre you are welcome on here, its good to have another ‘old timer’ on board, i certainly remember all those you mention, those were the days, eh?

    P&G are great writers and bloggers, they have done wonders with LG, don’t know how they produce posts day in day out the way they do and over such a long period of time….

  82. rico says:

    Wenger on signings from afc.com

    “I’m not ruling it out but at the moment I’m not in a position to sign anyone,” said Wenger. “At the moment, it is all dead.

    “No players will be going out domestically. Some could leave and go abroad, for example in Spain and Italy the season hasn’t started yet.

    So its true, Almunia is off to Spain but who is going to Italy????

  83. mikeB says:

    Rico,
    while we’re living in the land of ‘I wish’ and given the 25 man squad rule… you might look to Mannone.
    I don’t see what else we’re gonna do with him if we do bring in a new GK.

  90. mikeB says:

    Folks,
    I’m out for an hour or two…
    I’m sure you’ll all miss my incisive commentary, but you’ll just have to live with it 😆

  91. rico says:

    I agree WATH, I would trust Mannone more than the other two though right now..

    my choice would be Al sold, Flappy loaned out and Chesney no2 to whoever he buys…

  94. rico says:

    Your out goonerjay – how are you doing, great to see you here on HH, an old buddy of yours was on earlier 🙂

  96. W.A.T.H says:

    Chezny needs a season on loan I reckon Rico then he’ll be ready, no good him playing number 2 and not getting much game time.

  97. T-buzz says:

    Red Arse, too right. Some on there dont even know the meaning of tongue-in-cheek.

    No worries Rico, P&G cease to amaze but I’m sure you’re on your way to being a force to be reckoned with especially as youve got a pro like MikeB to chip in! (hi hi hi)

    Gonna disappear for a bit, workload and all but will be back!

    Adios for now!! 8)

  99. goonerjay says:

    Woohoo…. How you doing Rico… long time no speak old girl (not meaning your’re old by the way). I’m in the same boat as T-Buzz…. i still read Le-Grove (hence found out you had this site) but don’t post there anymore…. it’s not the same now they have so many people on there. Not the same banter and convos don’t flow like they used to (and my Friday jokes get ignored 🙁 ). T-Buzz how you doing my old bean?

  101. rico says:

    goonerjay, i’m good thanks and its really good to see a few old faces, not that i’m suggesting…. 😉

    looking forward to the game of ruby tomorrow, i hope we get one big score against fat sam’s lads…

  102. goonerjay says:

    We’ll turn those neanderthals over… 4-1 i reckon (Still don’t think we can keep clean sheets with the Spanish Waiter in goal)

  103. rico says:

    trouble is if almunia has a blinder wenger may give up on any ideas of buy a keeper, lose lose situation really as we all want him to have a blinder 😉

  108. Red Arse says:

    Hi Goonerjay,

    Like I said to T-Buzz I have seen you around too, and your humour is v. good, but things whizz thru and before I could respond there were 50 other post gone thru.

    Geoff and Pedro are ace, but I saw that you have occasionally butted heads with one or two others as well. It’s a good crowd on LG but one or two give everybody a little problem.

  109. rico says:

    Its thanks to G&P that t-buzz and goonerjay found us… they have been good to me and good for HH. Every blog has the odd awkward one, but they don’t usually stick around for long…

    anyway, back to footie..

    spuds are going to put another bid in for villa’s Young…

  110. Red Arse says:

    You are right Rico. 🙂

    I always read the Posts on LG every morning.

    Perhaps you can get Pedro or Geoff to guest write a Post for you? That would be ace too! 🙂

  112. W.A.T.H says:

    Be interesting to see if Young is interested in going to the lane as he’s a Gooner…………… a part time one if he joins that shower…!

  114. goonerjay says:

    Red Arse… that is exactly why i stopped posting on LG…. by the time you finish typing a response to somebody there are 50 new posts on a completely different subject and your post gets missed… back in the day when there only used to be about 20 of us on there the banter was really good and evryone had the 2 sense worth on the same subject. Geoff and Pedro do right some very good articles and i still read what they have to say on a daily basis but i don’t bother with the comments section anymore (and what is with that Jaguar dude that posts all the time on there now)

  115. rico says:

    I din’t know he was a Gooner WATH, i couldn’t make such a switch if i was him, not for all the money in the world….

  116. W.A.T.H says:

    Thats the dif though Rico, we wouldnt join but these current day players do and will….! All about the money honey…!

  118. goonerjay says:

    As it’s Friday…. for old times sake Rico.

    Paddy says to his mate “Look at that flock of cows!”
    His mate says “Herd of cows you daft tit!”
    Paddy says “of course i’ve heard of cows, there’s a flock of them over there!”

    No offence to any Irish people…. every one i’ve met has been an intelligent and lovely person

  120. T-buzz says:

    As per Traoré, will know for definite 31st of August where his future is. I like him, a bit of pace on him but he’s inconsistent with his passing.

  122. rico says:

    WATH, i don’t know why they tell the world who they support then entertain playing for the most bitter of rival …

    wasn’t bentley a born and bred gooner too?

    bet you wouldn’t ever catch Rooney signing for the dippers….

  127. goonerjay says:

    Not bad T-Buzz, working hard, had another kid (so home life is equally as busy)… standard stuff really

  128. rico says:

    Alexandros Tzorvas is the latest keeper linked to us… and Stephane Ruffier has cropped up again…

    Who starts all these rumours 😉

  129. Red Arse says:

    GoonerJ,

    You are going to be fun on here! 🙂

    Rico, Bentley now claims that he and his mates were always Spuds fans. Not that i could give a monkeys about him anyway.

    Traore’s move fell thru because he was paid more at Arsenal than the Spanish were prepared to pay. What did WATH say? Money, money, money.

  131. T-buzz says:

    Wow goonerjay, youve been busy!! LOL
    Congrats mate, what did you have, boy or girl?

    Glad to see you’re ok and still blogging. It’s more tranquil over here and no “Jimbos” or “Jaguars” to bring you doom and gloom!! lol

  132. W.A.T.H says:

    T-buzz, think you’ll find no doom n gloom here just honest reactions and thoughts on all things red n white and if we p’d off its for a reason not to jump on a bandwagon…!

  135. goonerjay says:

    had a boy mate. Right little bruiser he is.
    I can actually join in a conversation here mate. It’s near on impossible to be part of a conversation on LG now

  136. W.A.T.H says:

    T-buzz, think it’s how it should be, nothing is doom n gloom but also not everything is rosy and if said from the heart things positive and negative are always good to discuss and have banter on.

  137. Red Arse says:

    GoonerJ, Just for you. 🙂

    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
    “Hurry,” she said, “stand in the corner.” She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.
    “Don’t move until I tell you,” she said, ” pretend you’re a statue.”
    “What’s this?” the husband inquired ss he entered the room.
    “Oh it’s a statue,” she replied, “the Smiths bought one and I liked it, so I got one for us, too.”
    No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
    Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
    “Here,” he said to the statue, “have this, I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.”

  141. Red Arse says:

    Why thank you WATH. 🙂

    Rico, I thought you had gone out knocking on doorbells or something. I know nozzing! 🙂

  145. Red Arse says:

    WATH, as you were nice. 🙂

    A married Arsenal fan was having an affair with his secretary.
    One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
    Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
    The Gooner hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
    He then put on his shoes and drove home.
    “Where the hell have you been?” his wife demanded.
    “I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary, and we had sex all afternoon.”
    The wife looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

    Arsenal fans eh? 😉

  147. T-buzz says:

    ha ha ha! nice joke R.Arse!!

    Cool goonerjay, kids are lovely.

    W.A.T.H , I agree with you. I do not have an issue with anyone making a point our viewing their personal opinions but being insulted or called names for doing so is not on. That has happened alot on Le-Grove and bloggers labelling arsenal players and Wenger with the “c” word just baffles me. There are certain players within the squad I feel are not upto standard and others may beg to differ (which is fine)and you can have a banter about it but insulting fellow gooners? Not my cuppa.

  148. T-buzz says:

    Here’s an oldie:

    A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”. The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”
    The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.” After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!” The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
    down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”
    The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”

  149. goonerjay says:

    A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
    The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
    professionalism went out the window.
    He immediately told her to undress. After she had
    disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
    so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?”
    “Yes,” she replied, “you’re checking for any abrasions
    or dermatological abnormalities.” “That is right,” said
    the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. “Do
    you know what I’m doing now?” he asked.
    “Yes,” the woman said, “you’re checking for any lumps or
    breast cancer.” “Correct,” replied the shady doctor.
    Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
    intercourse with her. He asked, “Do you know what I’m doing
    now?”
    “Yes,” she said. “You’re getting herpes; which is why I came
    here in the first place.”

  150. W.A.T.H says:

    T-buzz no argument from me on what your saying there fella, we all have opinions we’re not all right or wrong and we all get emotional about our team but no need to get silly about someone not agreeing with you unless of course the person is a total plum talking utter rubbish in which case said person needs to be removed from the conversation simple as that…!

  151. W.A.T.H says:

    Hmmm I can see we are going to have trouble with the new additions it seems. . . . these jokes are getting way out of hand….! lol

  152. goonerjay says:

    T-Buzz… I wish someone would insult me on LG now… i just don’t get replied to at all now… Le-Grove has changed… i don’t recognise her anymore

  154. goonerjay says:

    This one does have A swear word in it and i appologise before hand but it cracks me up every time!

    Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an
    interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other
    animal in the world does this.
    Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says.
    “Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher.
    “Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The
    neighbours’ Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
    “ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!”, and before he could say “FUCK
    OFF!”, the dog ate him!”

  157. W.A.T.H says:

    After school Johhny walks in on his Mum n Dad as they are having sex on the lounge floor…. Johhny says what are you both doing, Dad says well i’m just filling your Mum up with petrol Johhny…..

    Johhny says hmmmmmmm she dont do much mile to the gallon Uncle dave only filled her up last night…!

  158. T-buzz says:

    Just to be clear, I’m not bad mouthing Le-Grove, I love to read what P&G have to say, its like looking forward to read the papers. It’s just some of the bloggers that get on I really dont care much of.

  160. W.A.T.H says:

    One i’ve made less rude . . . .

    man walks into a lift gorgeous lady already in there he looks her up and down and says hmmmmmmm can I smell your fanny….. She snarls at him and says no you cant you dirty filthy disgusting man….!!!!
    Oh he says… must be your feet then………..

  163. T-buzz says:

    An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

    She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities.

    When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked…and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. “What happened?” she asks.

    “I’ve never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo, I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”

  167. goonerjay says:

    Oh dear.

    Mascherano was valued at £25m… so Liverpool caved in to the media whores of Barca then… pity

  168. rico says:

    Hi all, some good funnies, as i was reading, so was my mother who popped in to say hello, i declined her inviation to explain some of the jokes 😆

  169. goonerjay says:

    Through the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her
    son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood,
    and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a
    little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his
    mother says, “I saw what you did, young man! For
    kicking the pig you’ll get no bacon for a week, and
    for kicking the cow, no milk for a week.”
    Just at that moment, the boy’s father walks through
    the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.
    The boy looks at his mother and says, “Do you wanna
    tell him, or should I ?”

  172. rico says:

    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
    The blonde said, “How about £50?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
    The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

  174. rico says:

    It was the postmans last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

    When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

    At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

    The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

    At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

    She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

    When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, beans, mushrooms, sausage, bacon, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

    When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

    As she was pouring, he noticed a pound coin in the cup’s saucer. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the coin for?”

    “Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”

    He said, “Fuck him, give him a pound.”

    The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”

  181. T-buzz says:

    There has been a few transfers confirmed today though…
    I reckon tuesday is going to be manic. Will Arsenal be involved, I wonder…?

  182. rico says:

    Its funny you know, call me sad but i used to always listen to Sarah Kennedy in the morning on Radio 2 – she always told a blonde joke every morning and they were so so funny……

    I used to feel a bit of a pratt sat roaring with laughter all on my own – everyone else was still in bed 🙂

  185. T-buzz says:

    Yeah, offering bags of Fish and chips to sign a goalkeeper!! lol

    Have a great weekend y’all, I’m heading home in a minute and I really hope we give Blackburn a Blackpool Special….6-0!!

    I must say, I have enjoying blogging today…

    adios!

  186. W.A.T.H says:

    Rico……….. Ur sad………………… Radio 2…? nuff said….! was it a wind up radio as well..?

  187. rico says:

    T-buzz – glad you have had a good day here, come back real soon 🙂 Safe journey home and enjoy a big win tomorrow…

  192. rico says:

    RA, I truly hope that is not the case and I’m sure its not, agag likes humour as does oliver i’m sure… the jokes haven’t been too offensive have they 🙁

  195. goonerjay says:

    Right guys. that’s enough work for one day…. off to the gym to cripple myself for the weekend. Have a good one guys.

    I will probably be back Monday to do some serious Arsenal talk about the weekends thrashing of Blackburn RFC

  196. Red Arse says:

    Excuse me WATH, weren’t you going somewhere and would not be back until Sunday?

    It’s a fatal attraction to HH ! 🙂

  197. W.A.T.H says:

    RA ur’s offended me it didnt mention anything remotely offensive which in itself was offensive so I’m offended……. Well something like that…!

  199. W.A.T.H says:

    Cheers GJ…. Been sat on the pc doing work RA and thought i’d have to so see a few ppl but its been moved to early next week so your lumbered with me 😉

  200. Red Arse says:

    WATH, 🙂

    Actually they were all good. I had not heard them before either.

    I think it was a tie. Each of you had a good one, so if I had to go for a tie breaker it would be the flock of cows! 🙂

  201. Stef says:

    Wow guys lots a posts. (sorry can’t read `em all)
    About the article I refer to him as a Moor.
    He is back at Iberia trying to conquer, nobody likes him except some girls, Moorish fans, local support in the club(palace) he is, everybody outside despise him.
    That’s about it…

    My apologies to Othello for comparison: Sorry Othello u r a nice lad 🙂

  202. Red Arse says:

    WATH,

    I was getting quite panicky myself yesterday, as my work was well behind. I spent too long blogging and then BT started to interfere with my connection. 🙂

    Isn’t that a sexual offence, a bit like Muffin the Mule? 🙂

  207. Red Arse says:

    Rico,

    I should keep my mouth shut I know, but England have staged a mini recovery. 229 for 7, Trott 104.

    Crikey! 🙂

  208. W.A.T.H says:

    RA will you shut up you’ll put the mockers on him and he’ll get the trotts………….

    RA wind u up… never Rico….!

  210. rico says:

    I watching RA, Trott, Broad and Prior have saved us from utter embarassment…..

    Hey guys and gals, we are nearly at 3000 hits and not even on newsnow, its all going well thanks to you ‘lot’ 🙂

  212. Stef says:

    Thanks RA I like this blog(site), one of the best I’ve seen, very nice and warm in my Gooner hearth 😉

  214. W.A.T.H says:

    Check that rating thing again 2moro Rico I reckon it’ll give you a rating now…! 😉

    All ur hard work me thinks . . . .

  215. rico says:

    Thanks Stef, glad you like it here….

    we have a good ‘family’ of posters who make it a good place to be… added to that, we have great writers too, i do not include myself in that 😉

  216. Red Arse says:

    You are undoubtedly the best writer Rico, you write from the heart! I think everyone would agree! 😉

  217. Stef says:

    Didn’t know that Rico is she 🙂
    I wonder what ur real name is.
    C ya guys n gals l8r need 2 grab some bite.

  219. W.A.T.H says:

    I’m off things to do liquid to be drunk have a good evening all and will catch ya soon, be good and be good.

  220. rico says:

    I will WATH, thanks 🙂

    RA, you are such a smoothie, love it 🙂

    I am Stef, please don’t hold it against me 😉 😉

  223. rico says:

    Ah, night RA, I’m going too now, been a long, fun day – thanks guys…

    Stay safe all and have a fab rest of the day wherever you may be…

    Nighty night 🙂

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