Before we head off into todays post, FootballFancast.com reported than Yann M’Vilas move to another club will be confirmed after Euro 2012 and it has already been announced on the French stock market by the player’s club Rennes.
Where that is, is anyones guess but Bayern Munich have allegedly withdrawn their interest in the player.
Onto todays post:
In essence, football is a simple sport but it has become over complicated to the point where it is positively groaning beneath the weight of TV and internet analysis. The problem in part stems from Sky’s insistence on grinding it’s customers down beneath a torrent never-ending nonsense, spewing from the mouths of ex-players barely able to string a coherent sentence together or arrange a chain of thought in their heads before subjecting the viewer to an inner glimpse of their banality.
This has become de-rigueur and has of course been slavishly copied by the truly appalling BBC, the decidedly down market ITV and the stupendously ghastly ESPN, although we must be eternally grateful that the latter have now lost the right to pollute our minds with the queue of free-lunch seeking saddos that constituted their ” panel” of dickheads and semi-literate, incomprehensible shysters like Chris “Pelanty” Waddle.
Broadcasters and by this I mean those who produce the outside broadcast scenarios for us to watch have no qualms about who they erect before us on pedestals so we may enjoy the pearls of footballing wisdom that trickle from their lips like mana from heaven. So nobody feels the slightest embarrassment when the image of Stan Collymore appears on our screens to tell us what is what and allow us into the inner sanctum of his mind. This is the dark place that conceived the public beating of Ulrika Johnson and felt the attraction of the sexually perverse pastime of “dogging”.
Did nobody think that his disgusting past might lessen his credibility somewhat?
What about the Reverend Mark Bright?
I hear him commenting on dirty play with a sense of almost religious righteousness that masks the fact that he committed one of the worst, premeditated fouls ever seen on TV when he systematically measured Andy Linighan for a forearm smash to the face that shattered the Arsenal player’s nose into several pieces.
Even Danny Murphy, one of the worst thugs I have seen on a football field, is employed, though thankfully on radio, as the intelligent voice of reason and seemingly feels no sense of irony in doing so.
What can one honestly say about the BBC and good old Gary Lineker? Yes, that’s Gary, the crisp-munching moron, recently cleared of racist remarks over Arsene Wenger. A man whose defence seemed to be that he is in fact, a great admirer of Arsene and often defends him.
Really? I must have missed that Gary.
In fact I must also have missed you ridiculing Sir Alex Ferguson, Roberto Mancini or your great mate ‘Arry Redknapp. I never saw you mimicking a broad Scottish accent, with your face rouged up and wearing a red prosthetic nose, pointing at your watch and waving your arms about. Yes, I must have missed that one.
I think the less said about Alan Hansen the better and as for Lawro? Well, I don’t think that even he believes the drivel that he spouts these days and his whole demeanour suggests that he is tired of the whole thing, ran out of things to say about a decade ago and just wants to sit in a chair quietly somewhere waiting for someone to mercifully end it all for him.
Which bring us to Sky as I want to spare you all the horror of raising the spectre of ITV and Adrian Chiles. We had Keys and Gray for years and they had become the “voices” of football.
Was it a penalty? Did the manager get his tactics right? Was he offside?
Just ask Andy the sexist or Richard of the gross and inappropriate.
They will tell you definitively and what they say will be carefully considered and completely impartial. They are still giving it large on TalkSport. You know that station. The one where a bloke called Durham steals oxygen from more deserving people every day as the caustic and corrosive nature of his effluent bile seeps from the speaker of your radio, contaminating all it comes into contact with, like a foul disease originating in filth and corruption.
Where was I? Ah, Sky.
The most obvious place to find Jamie Redknapp crammed into a pair of unrealistically tight trousers and passing comment on Arsenal games or a reborn Gary Neville actually talking a bit of sense. But, please don’t confuse him with that other Gary Neville, the one who systematically fouled and kicked JA Reyes out of the game at Old Trafford with the full blessing and complicity of Mike Riley several years ago in one of the most shamefully staged football fixes of our time.
What a disgrace Riley was that day.
Fergies lapdog and the forerunner of Howard Webb today who has inherited Riley’s crown and worn it with notable success. And Riley? Well, quite understandably, he runs the referees now and as soon as he sees Arsenal going on a bit of a run that Fergie might not like, he reaches for the number of Martin Atkinson to put a stop to it. But of course it’s a gravy train isn’t it? A home for ex-players and scumbags to pick up a few quid instead of becoming addicted to drugs, gambling or alcohol or performing numerous acts of infidelity in tacky hotels.
The problem is that it has coincided rather unfortunately with the rise of the Internet as a forum for footballing websites.
It has turned us all into master tacticians and expert analysers of a game that we believe intently we understand. So many of us are better managers than Arsene Wenger and it goes without saying that we could run the club far more efficiently than that crackpot Ivan Gazidis.
Stan Kroenke? Don’t make me laugh.
I see a thousand bloggers a day, few of whom can string a sentence together, but all of whom would be better owners.
Tactics? Well, even a fool can see where Wenger is going wrong and the Internet is the perfect place to anonymously share that view with hundreds of thousands of other virtual managers. Throw in a bit of abuse while you are at it and criticise the board for taking millions of £s out to line their pockets. That’s your money that is, even though you don’t go to the matches, that’s your bloody money!
You just know you could do a better job. You would reconstruct the Invincibles, player by player, you would sack Wenger and Gazidis and demand £200 million from Stan, kick Diaby out of the club, sell Ramsay, buy Messi, buy Vertonghen from under Spurs noses even though you have never seen him play.
You would bring back standing sections, reduce season ticket prices and make Robin sit on the bench if he won’t sign a new contract..
But what’s that?
Oh, that’s your folks calling you in for tea……..
Written by Adam